When the game was announced last year, I wasn’t aware of it. When the lovely singing in the current trailer but then pointed out the following: “You Suck at Parking”, I quickly downloaded the demo available on Steam and looked at what the stupid diss is actually supposed to do. Lo and behold, I really can’t park smartly! At least not fast enough. In any case, after hundreds of attempts, I still haven’t landed in the top ten once.
It’s so easy on paper. You get any combination of vehicle and color (they all drive the same) and race towards a marked parking area. As soon as you stand, you are then immediately transported to the next vehicle to head for the next marker – until all destinations are parked. Forget the StVZO! It’s enough if any corner looks over the white line. Just don’t leave the car parked beforehand, because as soon as it stops, you’ll be sitting in the next one. It goes without saying that valuable seconds are lost in the process. And time is everything here.
According to the demo, in higher levels it’s all about reaching all goals. They are hidden behind storm-making turbines, huge hammers, magnets, teleporters, jump plates, loops, acceleration fields and other obstacles. Have fun despairing while the upbeat soundtrack feigns a good mood and your ego stubbornly yells “One more time!” long after the pizza has burned.
That’s already a blast, because the little carts drive great and you can find great shortcuts with a bit of brains, only to then realize that you’re never the first to have the corresponding flash of inspiration. It should run a whole lot more smoothly on the Steam Deck and, by the way, should also be released for as yet unknown consoles, but definitely on Steam. And please, please Happy Volcano: Publish at least the song of the same name for You Suck at Parking independently of the game, so I don’t have to watch the trailer all the time!